- Music from Inception behind a report on Facebook stock. I die with laughter. SUCH DRAMA.
- Lying in a pool of sunlight. May never move again.
Crazy old lady babynaps Maia!
Published September 26, 2009 | 
I’m bothered by something.
This afternoon, we went out to a charity fundraiser at a bar that my brother-in-law and his girlfriend, my bff (Sommer) work at. I used to work there as well. One of the daytime regulars, a woman named Kay that I was never particularly close to as she’s rather stand-offish and kind of bitchy, came over to say hello and meet Maia.
Maia was holding a spear of broccoli she’d been nibbling, which Kay took away from her for no good reason other than that she wanted to know what the baby had in her hand — despite Sommer and I both protesting. This should have set off alarm bells in my head, but we were sitting in a kind of loud spot and I didn’t think much of it.
Then Kay took Maia out of my arms. I’m not one of those parents who freaks out about other people holding my baby, so despite the fact that I wasn’t really happy about it, I didn’t say anything. Kay was so happy: “Oh, I’ve watched you grow up on Facebook! You’re my first Facebook baby!” (My profile is private, my picture albums are friends only, and we’re not friends, so … clearly I’m missing something here) and I took the opportunity gobble down some nachos while my hands were free.
I turned around and KAY WAS GONE. WITH MY BABY. Wandering around the bar, introducing Maia to her friends. I knew the people she spoke with, so again, despite my unease, I didn’t go after her. Then Kay went onto the patio with Maia — it had been raining off and on all day, the air was cool, and Maia wasn’t wearing socks, a hat, or a jacket. But I could see them, and I really did not want to come across as overbearing, so I just watched them, feeling anxious. I got up once and made my way halfway across the bar to them, but went back to our table.
Five minutes later, Kay came back and Maia dove into my arms.
I am so bothered by this. Even though I didn’t want her to, and wasn’t comfortable with it at all, I let that woman hold and wander off with my baby. Why would I do that? It doesn’t make any damned sense. The nearest reason I can come up with is that I couldn’t figure out a real reason why Kay shouldn’t hold Maia, or wander around with her — other than it seems socially inappropriate. I mean, doesn’t it? I wouldn’t take the baby of someone I hadn’t spoken with in over two years and prance around a bar chatting with friends, showing off my casual acquaintance’s kid. I genuinely feel like she committed a total faux pas and I allowed it. But then I think the fault also lies with me; I should have said something. I should have gone after them. It would have been completely reasonable to say “I’d like to hold her” or “Please stay here with her” or a hundred other things.
I need to figure out what to say, and never let that happen again.
Sometimes I feel like parenthood is a series of these sorts of moments. I was out for a walk one day with Vio in her stroller … I’d say she was maybe 18-20 months old at the time. Matt was even with us. We turned down a street and some people were outside playing basketball or some such, and one of the guys came up to us and started talking. He seemed friendly enough, and then he just, for no good reason other than people seem to think it’s ok to touch children, started TICKLING Vio. It completely freaked her out. We quickly walked away, but for a year and a half now, I have revisited that moment SO many times, wondering how I could have let that happen. Why didn’t I say something to him? Why didn’t I pull the stroller back? The only answer I have arrived at was that I was so completely flabbergasted by his actions, I didn’t know HOW to react.
I probably would have done the same thing in your situation, (though I might have followed her around surreptitiously. Am sneaky ninja!) Some people just don’t understand that babies and children are PEOPLE, too. They aren’t like someone’s puppy you can just walk up to and pat at will. (Hell, come to think of it, I wouldn’t even pet someone’s dog without asking first!)
It’s hard, because none of us wants to be THAT MOM. Maybe next time you could say you just noticed her being a little stinky and you need to go check her diaper? Anything to remove you and her from the situation before it turns into WALKING OFF WITH SOMEONE’S BABY. (Seriously, I’m indignant on your BEHALF, because I can’t believe anyone would do that!)
I’ll tell you: I have had this same thing. Not the bar, crazy lady, fake kidnapping element. But the ‘why aren’t I saying something when this bothers’ me thing. If anything, it makes me feel like I am not a good parent for standing up for myself or children – even when it is a relatively minor thing.
Whatever else you can say, sounds like you kept a very good eye on her while the shananigans were happening.
Something along these lines happened to me one day when Lily was probably 5 months old or so. I had her in a front carry in our Mei tai and I was walking across the parking lot of the grocery store and some totally random old lady walked up and said hi to Lily and before I knew it she was bending down and kissed her and said it was from “grandma”. I sort of laughed as she walked away. But I didn’t want some old woman kissing my kid but I had no idea how to stop her. Hell I hate it when people touch her hands but I have no idea what to say to make them stop with the touching because their hands are dirty, sometimes visibly dirty and come on people babies put their hands in their mouths. (Ok, breath, its ok, its just a memory).
I have no idea what to say to people in these kinds of situations but I wish I did. I guess this is one of the good points of having a shy baby, people very rarely try to hold her and when they do she almost always starts crying right away. Heck if they look at her for too long she might cry.
People are weird about kids. I think it’s the same with pregnancy. It creates a bond where there maybe really isn’t one.
The best thing to say when they try to grab your kid is that you need to change her diaper. Nothing will get a baby out of people’s arms faster than the prospect of poop.
Wow…good thing I wasn’t there..may have made it hard for you and Chris to ever walk in there again!
I think first off when these types of things happen, it throws you and you just freeze. Also, if it is someone older, you feel like you need to show “respect” or whatever, and not offend them. This woman went too far though. I guess saying something like her diaper needs to get changed, or that she is shy may work, but I’m all for being more truthful. When she started walking away perhaps “oh, I’m sorry, we prefer to keep Maia here with us” as you take her back. You didn’t say anything negative, but still got your baby back!
I’m sure you will be better prepared for other situations because of this, so it is a learning experience.
It would have been different had she said: “May I hold your baby?” but just walking off with her? That’s rude. However, I can see myself doing the same thing because I might think….”OK. She’s fine. I can see my baby.” But still….I agree that it is weird. Maybe next time you could follow her over to the bar and while laughing and talking just take her back and say “Oh, baby, did you want to come back to mama?” and not even make it a big deal. She’ll probably just laugh it off too and it will be fine. Hopefully it will never happen again. I swear though….that was seriously rude of her.
IT WAS ME!!!!!!! You didn’t miss anything other than i brag about Maia every chance I get. How cute she is, her crazy hair, her developing taste buds. In doing so, Kay felt maybe as though she knew Maia and could just grab the baby and toddle off. I knew we were not off to a good start after the food was removed from Maia’s hand (after a few days before i had told her that Maia was in the process of “taste testing” to decide for herself waht she liked and didn’t like). So in fact it was me that started this whole thing . . . and i should have said something. I was uncomfortable but also have the relationship with Kay and could have gone over and rescued our little gourmand with the great hair.