It’s World Breastfeeding Week! To celebrate, each day this week I’m going to have a breastfeeding-related post.
I’ve written in detail about my birth experience, but I haven’t really mentioned anything about establishing breastfeeding. I felt like my nursing relationship with Maia was just as easy as everything I read during my pregnancy led me to believe it would be, and that it didn’t really warrant writing about; yet now, I realize that establishing breastfeeding is not necessarily easy, and that a lot of women struggle with it.
After I held Maia for the first time, my midwives said that they needed to evaluate my tearing. So I passed her to Chris and, feeling like a superwoman, walked into the bedroom to be checked out. It turned out that I needed to go to the hospital at some point, but of course I immediately said, “I need to breastfeed my baby first.” My midwives smiled and agreed.
So they helped me hobble out into the living room again, where I settled into a corner of the couch and held my daughter. The midwives beckoned Chris over as I clumsily pressed Maia to my breast, trying to put her round little mouth around my nipple. She grunted and whined, making a motion that I later recognized as rooting. I felt a momentary panic — why isn’t she latching on? doesn’t she love me? can’t I feed her? am I broken? – before the midwife showed me how to do it: put Maia’s nose level with my nipple, hold her close, and stroke down her nose and over her lips with it until she tilts her head back, opens her mouth, and latches on. But she didn’t, not right away, and she rooted against my breast furiously, her little cries growing more and more angry.
“You might need to help her with this, Daddy,” said the midwife, as she and Chris bent their heads together over me. With the tip of a finger, she stroked Maia’s cheek gently, then as Maia turned her head in that direction, the midwife pushed her against my breast. Maia latched on.
I can’t describe to you how I felt, nursing my baby for the first time. Confused, proud, amazed, scared… the cocktail of newly post-partum hormones surfing through my body, the thunderous rhythm of my heartbeat echoing in my ears, and the completely unfamiliar feeling of this amazing, new little creature feeding from me all combined to leave me overwhelmed and humbled. I remember my hair kept falling in my face, and Chris kept pushing it back, watching. He asked, “How can Maia breathe?” because she was so squished against my breast, and the midwife explained that Maia breathed through her nose, then went over the signs to show that we had a good latch.
I have smallish areola, so they don’t show if Maia is latched on properly. As a newborn, her chubby, squished cheeks pressed against my skin. We could see her jaw moving, working as she drank, and hear her swallow.
For twenty or thirty minutes, the midwife sat beside me and watched Maia nurse, talking with me about how I felt and making sure that I recognized a proper latch. When Maia delatched, as she did frequently, I learned how to help her latch on again. When she stopped suckling and looked sleepy, I learned that by stroking under her jaw I can stimulate her to continue. I credit that time with being the main reason our nursing relationship has been so easy and remains strong.
Every time the midwives visited over the next week — they came on day one, two, four, and seven after her birth — we talked about nursing. They made sure we were doing alright, and helped Maia and I take to the side-latch to get more sleep.
Of course, for the first week or so, my nipples hurt. Badly. I’d rub lanolin wax on them and that helped, but it seemed like as soon as I applied it Maia wanted to eat again, so I’d clench my jaw and put her to my breast. I found that I might be in pain for half a minute but after that my body simply acclimated itself to her, accepting that this was its work. At times, I’d intentionally put her on the breast that hurt the most, to remind myself that any amount of pain is bearable for her. Fortunately, I never bled (it would have really disturbed me) nor peeled, just ached and ached.
Although we’ve begun experimenting with solid foods around here, they’re really just for amusement (and all three of us have fun!) Breastfeeding remains the primary way Maia receives nutrition, and I’m aiming for it to be that way for at least a year. I’m planning to let her wean when she’s ready. Even if she’s eating solids by day and only nurses to sleep at night, I’d be fine with that — whatever she wants!
Please share your story about establishing breastfeeding.
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Wow I wish I had had your Midwives. I just had a lot of nurses telling me to make sure of this and don’t do that but I didn’t find it helpful. We finally got it figured out but it took a while.
wish I would have had your Midwives too! The nurses at the hospital all wanted to give my daughter sugar water or whatever it was. I wish people would have told me that it hurts like hell the first month… and to buy lansinoh cream in bulk
You are very lucky that things went so smoothly for you. Honestly, I think you are in the minority in that. Most of my friends really struggled. As did I. Nursing for me was a nightmare at first. Sophie was tongue-tied and even after we got that fixed, it was still a good 10 weeks before it stopped hurting. And I mean, clenching every muscle in my body while I nursed her kind of pain. But I am so glad I stuck it out. It really is a wonderful experience.
I had a very hard time establishing breastfeeding. Because Porter was born at 35 weeks, he didn’t understand how to latch/suck/nurse. Getting him to eat was a struggle for the first 5 days so much so that he lost quite a bit of weight, became jaundiced and we ended up back in the hospital. Every feeding started with me trying to get him to latch, allowed us to try for 10 minutes, then giving him a bottle of pumped milk or formula (I had milk supply issues) while I pumped each breast for a certain amount of time–all as instructed by our lactation consultant. The whole routine was exhausting and stressful. One day I had a complete sobbing breakdown because I felt like such a failure and suddenly everything clicked with Porter–at 37 weeks he finally “got it” and nursed away! Then I cried tears of joy because it was so rewarding and beautiful.
Recently, I made the choice to wean my baby much earlier than I had anticipated. My job was interfering with my milk supply. Even though I was pumping 3 times a day, my supply was steadily decreasing and it was stressing me out. I felt so awful about it. Though Porter had no problem with the transition from breast milk to formula, I do miss that special feeling you get when you hear your baby swallow–all warm and content next to you.