Sleep.  It’s been something I’ve thought about constantly since Maia arrived, and while I try not to stress over it, sometimes I do.  When she was on her nursing strike — which seems to have had no good cause other than sheer stubbornness on her part — she slept through the first three nights and woke up once during the last  two, but since then, she’s been waking up multiple times per night.  And by “multiple” I mean last night she was up five times.  Brutal.  I don’t really understand why, since she was still drinking almost exclusively breast milk during the strike, but I wonder if we’ve come into another sleep regression.  Regardless, all I can do at this point is laugh, shake my head, and ask myself why I ever think I’m going to be able to predict her sleep patterns.

Thankfully, Chris and I are alternating who wakes up with her every morning, and while it seems that she’s happier for longer with me (so he gets to sleep in for two hours, and I’m lucky if I get forty-five minutes), I’m grateful for it.

I handed in numerous applications up at the local mall recently, and had two interviews on Wednesday.  I’m a little bummed out that I haven’t heard anything back from either of them yet, as they both went really well, both ended with me and the manager shaking hands with her saying “I’m so glad we spoke, and I’ll be in touch soon,”, and one interview even finished with the manager saying “You’re going to be a great addition to our team”.  I’ll call and follow up if I don’t hear from them by the end of the business day.

As excited as I am by the thought of returning to the workforce and earning some money, which will relieve so much marriage-related guilt, all I’m doing is replacing it with mommy guilt.  Maia’s still cruising along holding on to furniture, standing on her own for ten or fifteen seconds at a time, and she keeps trying to take steps on her own but falling forward.  I don’t want to miss the first time she doesn’t fall, but I know there’s a chance I will.  I know that I might be forfeiting “Mama” becoming her official first word by leaving her with Daddy while I’m at work.    I try not to let it bother me too much — after all, it’s not as if she’ll forget how to walk, or never call me Mama — but still, there’s a little bit of sadness and jealousy in my heart.

Still, I know I’ll be coming home to her and Chris, and I know they’ll be bonding more with one another.  That’s a good thing.  And in all reality, I need to get out of the house and feel like a more productive member of society.

Plus, by getting a job, I’m earning hours to make me eligible for maternity leave, which I plan on taking IN SEVERAL YEARS FROM NOW, MOM.

(Side note: you have no idea how many people suggested I was pregnant when Maia went on strike.  You also have no idea how impossible that is.)

Several years.  Because right now?  I’m too busy taking care of this little pigtail monster.