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New Mommy Disease
Published May 5, 2009 | 
I can’t stand still anymore. I stand and sway my hips from side to side, as if rocking Maia; I did the same in early February, trying to bring on my labour (it didn’t help).
I don’t even think of my breasts as sexual things. They’re purely functional; they feed my daughter, they don’t entertain my husband. I’m not sure he’s too happy with this, but oh well. They have stretch marks, the girls are constantly standing at attention, and the only time I see them anymore is when they’re about to be used for someone’s snack.
I’ve given up on keeping the living room uncluttered. Fuck it, we have a baby, there are going to be burp cloths and toys and discarded pieces of clothing hanging out of the laundry basket sitting in the corner. At least there’s a basket!
I thought that Maia smelled like a muffin yesterday. Turns out, the wrapper from the muffin I ate for lunch (cause I can eat it with one hand!) was on the table behind where we were nursing. But for awhile there, I thought I had the most delicious smelling baby in the entire world.
I’ve sung the Worms song at least seventeen times in the past twenty-four hours, because Maia was so cranky that it seemed terribly apropos:
Nobody likes me, everybody hates me
Gonna go eat some wooooooorms!
Big fat juicy worms! Slip-slop slimy worms!
Fuzzy wuzzy wuzzy wooooooorms!
First you bite their heads off
Then you suck their guts out
Then you throw the skins away
BIG FAT JUICY worms! SLIP-SLOP SLIMY worms!
Fuzzy wuzzy wuzzy wooooooorms!
Seriously? I love that song.
PS: As you can see, I’ve added a few features to the individual posts on the blog (they don’t show on the main page), such as quick links to social bookmarking sites if you’re using them, and a ‘related posts’ list in case you care to explore some archived posts. Hopefully these add value to this site rather than detract — please let me know what you think!
I’ve got that “mommy sway” going for me as well – it’s kind of embarrassing when I’m in line at the grocery store and don’t even HAVE Amelia with me – I’m still swaying. It’s ingrained in me now that standing still = unhappy baby, and nobody wants an unhappy baby!
Hey, that’s my favourite song too!
And, it doesn’t stop 20 months later, Mommy Disease just gets weirder, and weirder.
I love that song too… and still swing my hips if I’m within a mile of a baby.. always will.
Oh yay, I have the Mommy sway going all the time.
I think I have a delicious smelling kiddo but muffin baby take the cake. haha. Punny.
Heh, the mommy sway. I’ve caught myself doing that so many times without G. I don’t think I do it so much anymore though, now that he’s almost 2 and I rarely sway with him to quiet him down. That makes me pretty sad actually.
And the muffin wrapper baby is too funny. It’s better then finding a sour milk sippy cup under the cushions and thinking your baby is the sourest smelling creature even though you try to bath him regularly!
@Amanda: I tried to stand still while holding Maia today. I couldn’t do it! I had to sway because I know she loves it.
@Michele: I’m so glad you dropped by & left a comment. I am looking forward to the weirdness of Mommy Disease. I remember going to parties and all the moms would be sharing their birth stories with one another, and all I could think was “THIS IS SO GROSS”… now I finally get it though!
@Cristin: Ain’t nothin wrong with a little Worm song love.
@Jinxy: Dudette, I love puns. Not like disturbingly much, but enough that I giggled!
@Lesha: I am sure that the sour milk sippy cup will come!