I am so tired.
My head is pounding, my eyes are aching, and my jaw hurts. The last, if you know me, is indicative of the fact that I have a brutal headache.
It’s almost 3am and I type this one-handed through a burning haze of frustrated tears. The other hand? It’s carrying Maia. She’s crying, too.
I’ve gotten less than one hour of unbroken sleep tonight. Hope your night is better.
3:30am: annnnd i’m so tired i failed to react quickly enough to her movement & she rolled right off the couch. i fucking fail at this being a parent thing.
5:30am: well, she finally fell asleep at 4. but now she’s wide awake again, rolling & raspberrying, and woke up once in the middle of this all to nurse as well. what the fuck? i hate this.
{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
Telling you everything will be alright, and this too shall pass really isn’t very helpful at this point. I feel for you honey–love you, and hope you have a better day/night ahead of you.
Just wanted to give you hugs. Would help you to know that I don’t know a single mom who hasn’t let the baby roll off the couch/fall of the bed/flip herself headfirst out of the co-sleeper? I swear it’s like some horrific rite of passage. That doesn’t make you a failure. Sleep deprivation is horrible, horrible. Can your husband take her on the nights when she just won’t go back to sleep, even after nursing? We have it set up like that around here … I deal with hungry wake-ups, husband deals with the rest (and he is up at 6 every morning for work!) I know that won’t work for everyone, but it was forever before I realized that with my first. The whole “HMM. Maybe I don’t have to be the only one who does this overnight thing!” I was amazed by how receptive he was to the whole thing … all I had to do was ask.
Good luck, lady. You’re really doing an amazing job.
I am so so so sorry. Those nights are no fun.
I’m also sorry Maia rolled off the couch but that is just bound to happen and is in no way a reflection of your parenting. You are a great Mama and Maia is lucky to have you.
It does get better, really. Okay, maybe better isn’t the right word. It does balance out. Sorry you two are having a rough night.
And in no way do you fail at the parenting thing. Boy if you fail, then every other mom out there does, and that’s just not true.
Hope you’re able to catch up on lack of sleep today.
Sleepless nights are the worst. I’m so lucky that Bill deals with lack of sleep in a much better way than I do.
And all babies roll off couches. It is not an indication that you are a bad parent. Bumps and bruises heal. On the other hand a chipped tooth does not. That was Erik’s trick at the park on Wednesday. He fell on the monkey bars that he was climbing that he’s not tall enough for yet. Blood everywhere. Until the tooth is replaced by his adult one every time he smiles everyone will be able to tell that we’re bad parents. My baby is no longer perfect.
I HATE sleepless nights too. I hope she lets you catch up today.
Thanks, ladies.
I deal with a lack of sleep & a crying baby WAY better than Chris. Like… way, way better. So unfortunately, if I’m on edge, it’s guaranteed that he’s edgier.
It’s been a rough day for all of us. I know “it’ll get better”, but waiting… sucks.
@Michele: So sorry to hear Erik chipped his tooth :[ He IS perfect though. Can’t wait for our little ones to meet one another!
I am not dead I swear! Yep, yep I know how you feel. Multiply that times 10 weeks and then you end with needing sleep training for the mama’s sake. IT will get better one way or another. Can you hire a sitter for just a few hours a week? It does wonders for your state of mind and is totally worth it. Big hugs!
Oh how well I know these nights. We had many, many of them. No two ways about it, they suck.
Also, Sophie rolled off the bed at least once. That’s why they make babies so squishy, softer landing. You’re not a bad mom, you’re a NORMAL one!
Oh sweet thing, we’ve all been there. We’ve all felt like we’ve failed a thousand times. We’ve all been thankful “no one saw that”, every once in a while
Chin up, you’re doing a phenom job!
I hope tonight is better. I’m sorry you aren’t sleeping and that she’s having such rough nights. Are you able to nap during the day? It’s sometimes the only way…big hugs
Just a big hug to let you know I know EXACTLY how this feels. Like shit, that’s how.