Interviews

1. First off, there’s actually a cute story behind the name “Badass Dad”. Tell us about it!
I don’t know how cute it is, but there is a story. I’d been using “bassdad05″ on twitter for a while. The “05″ was for the year my son was born – the year I became a dad. The “bass” was because I play bass and sing bass, so it should rhyme with base. But after a few people made remarks about fishing, I took a poll to see whether people thought my twitter name ryhmed with “face dad” or “ass dad.” Overwhelmingly I got “ass dad.” Not what I was hoping for. But I also got a few notes from people who hadn’t ever really paid close attention to the name, and actually thought it was “badassdad.” So I thought, what the hell?, and went with that. I added “blog” because it seemed easier to remember than “05.”

2. You have two little boys. What sort of badass things have they learned, intentionally or otherwise, from you?
This stuff should probably be fodder for my blog, but there are a few things I’ll share.

One of my favorites is actually something my oldest learned from my wife, who is at least as badass as I. She was driving and someone cut her off. Owen was 2 at this point, so talking but not all that well. After the guy cut in front of her she honked and shouted “Jackass!” She’s such a lady. Anyway, from the back seat Owen says, “What did you say, Mommy?” Lisa improvises, “I said that guy was a not nice man.” Owen looks at her and says, with all her original gusto, “No, Mommy, he’s a JACKASS!”

To be honest my kids are some of the sweetest souls I know. They aren’t bruisers, and really neither am I. They’re (mostly) gentle and kind and sensitive boys, and I only hope they can always hold on to at least some of that, despite what the world may throw at them. If I can help facilitate THAT, that would be truly badass.

3. “Daddy bloggers” are a rare breed in comparison to mommy bloggers. What do you feel fathers offer that is different from a mother, blogging-wise? Do you feel outnumbered, or unique?
I’m really just starting to get a sense of the parent-blogger landscape. I’ve only been at this a few months, and while I certainly have encountered more moms than dads in blogland, I actually came into this through a couple of dad bloggers. The first blog I read was MetroDad. Then he did a guest post on Wind in Your Vagina, and once I discovered Black Hockey Jesus the blogging world was ripped wide open before me. From there I started reading more blogs, following bloggers on Twitter, and ultimately started my own.

What we offer that’s different? Well, that depends on the dad, I guess. We’re all parents, so there’s a lot that’s the same, but I think the bond fathers feel with their children is inherently different from mothers. Less visceral – we never had that physical connection to a baby growing inside us. On some level I think we spend our lives compensating for that. Deep in our primate brains we probably wonder whether we’re really this kid’s dad, and know they could be wondering the same thing, so we need to make damn sure they know who we are and what they mean to us.

Outnumbered? Sure. I don’t mind being in a slightly smaller pond. But I think as parents we have more in common than is different, so in the end it comes down to whether people want to read what you write, regardless of gender.

4. One of the things I love about your blog is that you swap between being insightful (the “old school” post), mushy (letter to your wife on your 7th anniversary), and completely irreverent (“do not underestimate the power of the tummy“). Do you share these posts with your family?
I do share my blog with my family, and they read it. I never really considered not sharing it with them, though at times I wonder whether that was wise. I know some bloggers (Black Hockey Jesus, for example) have a shroud of anonymity around their blogs, while others are 100% public with their real names, where they live, etc. I went the latter route partly because I wanted to be able to share stuff about our lives with my family. But having done that, I now edit myself and don’t write about EVERYTHING that comes to mind. You probably won’t find me doing any sex toy reviews, for example.

As for the varied content, I think that’s indicative of my total lack of strategy for the blog. Where my mind goes the blog follows. I hope folks find it eclectic and multifaceted as opposed to scattered and random.

5. How has having two boys changed the dynamic of your marriage?
Having kids has definitely changed our marriage. It’s changed us, and how we relate to each other. I now understand and believe everything (well, many of the things) people said to me about having kids. “It changes everything.” “You can’t imagine it until you have them.” “You never loved anyone so much.” All these things are true. My wife and I have a new mission in life – to take care of our kids. That’s not to say the old missions went away – to be good to each other, to make each others’ lives better, to be happy each of us as individuals. But now there’s something new and we’re in it together. It’s a huge responsibility and in a way it makes our connection stronger. At the same time it’s also the most stressful thing in our lives and our relationship. Thankfully we are very closely aligned on most issues. I see couples who have very different approaches to raising their kids, and it can be disastrous. There are just so many decisions to make for these small amazing people who simply cannot make those choices for themselves. It’s terrifying and awesome in the most literal sense of that word. So we share that stress and that stress weighs on us, but we also share that deep love for these two beings we created. As much as I couldn’t understand it before I had kids, I don’t feel equipped to explain it now that I do. But it’s there, and it changes everything.

6. Would you also like to have a girl?
We’re done having kids. Two is enough. I have no interest in being outnumbered. Before we had kids I wanted a girl. My best friend had a daughter a few years before we had kids, and I couldn’t imagine anything more awesome than that daddy/daughter bond. Once we had our boys I forgot all about that, and I feel no need to have a daughter. And when I see tween girls at the mall with what looks to me like little more than their father’s underwear on, I’m really grateful to be raising boys.

7. Finally, describe your ideal Father’s Day to us.
I don’t think there’s such a thing as an ideal day – Father’s Day or otherwise. There are good days, bad days, great days, and amazing days. But what’s an ideal day? I can’t describe that any more than I could tell you my favorite food or my favorite movie or book. There is no one I like more than all others. There are many I like, and I like them differently at different times in different settings. And so it is with Father’s Day. There is no ideal, but a great Father’s Day would involve spending time with my wife and kids and not having to make a lot of decisions or have many responsibilities. I’d like for us all to have fun and enjoy each other, and to hopefully avoid the little squabbles that are sometimes inevitable. And at some point, after the kids are asleep, there should be some good wine involved.

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Don’t forget about my Babies of 2009 Carnival coming up on July 1st! Help me spread the word.

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