- RT @Charli_H: "Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, 'What? You too? I thought I was the only one!'" - C. S ...
Father’s Day Interview with the Keith Family
Published June 22, 2009 | 
Welcome to the third of my interviews with fathers around the blogosphere!
Ladd is a dad who blogs over at The Keith Family. This blog is really just a lovely exploration of his family life with his partner Robb and their son Liam, and one of my favourite things about it is that they post tons of gorgeous photos.
I was first introduced to them via Ms. Core’s blog roll back in September 2008, and have been hooked ever since. I highly recommend you drop by and say hello to all the guys!
1. You and your partner, Robb, adopted a gorgeous little boy, Liam, in September 2008. What made you two decide to become daddies?
Robb has always talked about wanting children, but I didn’t even want to think about it until I was done with my masters degree and had started my career. I think we just got to the point where we both knew it was the right time to start a family. We literally talked about adopting one random weekend and had the paperwork to start the process the following Monday!
2. I find your blog to be refreshing, insightful, and full of love. Liam looks so happy in every picture, and so do you. However, as a white gay couple with an African-American son, you must get some incredible comments when you go out as a family. Can you share some of the more memorable ones with us?
Thank you for the compliment! It hasn’t been a big issue so far – we are lucky that Tucson is a very accepting city. When people ask where we adopted from they often expect the answer to be a foreign country. So when we answer “Brooklyn”, they usually do a double-take and ask again. We always have to do a bit of educating since many people aren’t aware there are infants in need in the United States too.
3. How has adopting Liam changed the dynamic of your home life?
Not as much we thought it would? After almost a year of our new family it’s hard to remember what it was like (and what we did with our time) before we had Liam. It’s much funner now for sure.
4. Your blogroll has a lot of other gay family blogs on it. Did you know all of these people before you started blogging, or did you meet them online?
Good question, we actually met most of them through blogging. There aren’t many other gay dads in Tucson so it’s great to have the network out there.
5. You recently enrolled Liam in an afternoon daycare program in order to take care of your business and teaching a university class. How is that working out for you all?
The first week was hard, but definitely harder for me than it was for Liam. He’s a very social little guy and has adapted really quickly. Of course, he’s already brought back some germs from his daycare. You have to wonder how he’s only sick for a few days but then we both get sick for the whole week?
6. I *love* that you share your family portrait sessions with us. Tell us a bit about your experiences with these — and, just as importantly, when will you be having another photo shoot?
I’m glad the hundreds of family pictures aren’t a big bore! We are lucky to have a friend of the family who does photography, so the photo shoots are always really comfortable. We’ll definitely have another when Liam is a year old, but the one I’m really looking forward to now is when Liam’s future little brother or sister joins the family ;o)
7. Finally, describe your ideal Father’s Day to us.
We’re not really sure how Father’s Day works yet with two dads. Do both dads get each other something? Who cooks the special dinner (and more importantly, the dishes)? We’ll probably go out to eat and spend the day having fun with Liam.
–
Don’t forget about my Babies of 2009 Carnival coming up on July 1st! Please help me spread the word.
Father’s Day Interview with Badass Dad
Published June 20, 2009 | Welcome to the second of my interviews with fathers from around the blogosphere!
Michael B., also known as @badassdadblog on Twitter, is a dad who blogs over at “badass dad blog“. This blog is fairly new, which is good because you can read through the archives quickly (and you definitely want to!) Although recently laid off, he’s upbeat about finding work and I’m pretty sure that whoever hires him is going to be getting an awesome guy joining their workforce.
I was first introduced to him via Twitter’s #FollowFriday (are you seeing a trend here?) His blog posts are … well, I talk about them later, but I’ll just say they’re well-written, fun to read, and have a conversational tone that makes me feel like we could be chatting face-to-face.
1. First off, there’s actually a cute story behind the name “Badass Dad”. Tell us about it!
I don’t know how cute it is, but there is a story. I’d been using “bassdad05″ on twitter for a while. The “05″ was for the year my son was born – the year I became a dad. The “bass” was because I play bass and sing bass, so it should rhyme with base. But after a few people made remarks about fishing, I took a poll to see whether people thought my twitter name ryhmed with “face dad” or “ass dad.” Overwhelmingly I got “ass dad.” Not what I was hoping for. But I also got a few notes from people who hadn’t ever really paid close attention to the name, and actually thought it was “badassdad.” So I thought, what the hell?, and went with that. I added “blog” because it seemed easier to remember than “05.”
2. You have two little boys. What sort of badass things have they learned, intentionally or otherwise, from you?
This stuff should probably be fodder for my blog, but there are a few things I’ll share. 
One of my favorites is actually something my oldest learned from my wife, who is at least as badass as I. She was driving and someone cut her off. Owen was 2 at this point, so talking but not all that well. After the guy cut in front of her she honked and shouted “Jackass!” She’s such a lady. Anyway, from the back seat Owen says, “What did you say, Mommy?” Lisa improvises, “I said that guy was a not nice man.” Owen looks at her and says, with all her original gusto, “No, Mommy, he’s a JACKASS!”
To be honest my kids are some of the sweetest souls I know. They aren’t bruisers, and really neither am I. They’re (mostly) gentle and kind and sensitive boys, and I only hope they can always hold on to at least some of that, despite what the world may throw at them. If I can help facilitate THAT, that would be truly badass.
3. “Daddy bloggers” are a rare breed in comparison to mommy bloggers. What do you feel fathers offer that is different from a mother, blogging-wise? Do you feel outnumbered, or unique?
I’m really just starting to get a sense of the parent-blogger landscape. I’ve only been at this a few months, and while I certainly have encountered more moms than dads in blogland, I actually came into this through a couple of dad bloggers. The first blog I read was MetroDad. Then he did a guest post on Wind in Your Vagina, and once I discovered Black Hockey Jesus the blogging world was ripped wide open before me. From there I started reading more blogs, following bloggers on Twitter, and ultimately started my own.
What we offer that’s different? Well, that depends on the dad, I guess. We’re all parents, so there’s a lot that’s the same, but I think the bond fathers feel with their children is inherently different from mothers. Less visceral – we never had that physical connection to a baby growing inside us. On some level I think we spend our lives compensating for that. Deep in our primate brains we probably wonder whether we’re really this kid’s dad, and know they could be wondering the same thing, so we need to make damn sure they know who we are and what they mean to us.
Outnumbered? Sure. I don’t mind being in a slightly smaller pond. But I think as parents we have more in common than is different, so in the end it comes down to whether people want to read what you write, regardless of gender.
4. One of the things I love about your blog is that you swap between being insightful (the “old school” post), mushy (letter to your wife on your 7th anniversary), and completely irreverent (“do not underestimate the power of the tummy“). Do you share these posts with your family?
I do share my blog with my family, and they read it. I never really considered not sharing it with them, though at times I wonder whether that was wise. I know some bloggers (Black Hockey Jesus, for example) have a shroud of anonymity around their blogs, while others are 100% public with their real names, where they live, etc. I went the latter route partly because I wanted to be able to share stuff about our lives with my family. But having done that, I now edit myself and don’t write about EVERYTHING that comes to mind. You probably won’t find me doing any sex toy reviews, for example.
As for the varied content, I think that’s indicative of my total lack of strategy for the blog. Where my mind goes the blog follows. I hope folks find it eclectic and multifaceted as opposed to scattered and random.
5. How has having two boys changed the dynamic of your marriage?
Having kids has definitely changed our marriage. It’s changed us, and how we relate to each other. I now understand and believe everything (well, many of the things) people said to me about having kids. “It changes everything.” “You can’t imagine it until you have them.” “You never loved anyone so much.” All these things are true. My wife and I have a new mission in life – to take care of our kids. That’s not to say the old missions went away – to be good to each other, to make each others’ lives better, to be happy each of us as individuals. But now there’s something new and we’re in it together. It’s a huge responsibility and in a way it makes our connection stronger. At the same time it’s also the most stressful thing in our lives and our relationship. Thankfully we are very closely aligned on most issues. I see couples who have very different approaches to raising their kids, and it can be disastrous. There are just so many decisions to make for these small amazing people who simply cannot make those choices for themselves. It’s terrifying and awesome in the most literal sense of that word. So we share that stress and that stress weighs on us, but we also share that deep love for these two beings we created. As much as I couldn’t understand it before I had kids, I don’t feel equipped to explain it now that I do. But it’s there, and it changes everything.
6. Would you also like to have a girl?
We’re done having kids. Two is enough. I have no interest in being outnumbered. Before we had kids I wanted a girl. My best friend had a daughter a few years before we had kids, and I couldn’t imagine anything more awesome than that daddy/daughter bond. Once we had our boys I forgot all about that, and I feel no need to have a daughter. And when I see tween girls at the mall with what looks to me like little more than their father’s underwear on, I’m really grateful to be raising boys.
7. Finally, describe your ideal Father’s Day to us.
I don’t think there’s such a thing as an ideal day – Father’s Day or otherwise. There are good days, bad days, great days, and amazing days. But what’s an ideal day? I can’t describe that any more than I could tell you my favorite food or my favorite movie or book. There is no one I like more than all others. There are many I like, and I like them differently at different times in different settings. And so it is with Father’s Day. There is no ideal, but a great Father’s Day would involve spending time with my wife and kids and not having to make a lot of decisions or have many responsibilities. I’d like for us all to have fun and enjoy each other, and to hopefully avoid the little squabbles that are sometimes inevitable. And at some point, after the kids are asleep, there should be some good wine involved.
—
Don’t forget about my Babies of 2009 Carnival coming up on July 1st! Help me spread the word.
Father’s Day Interview with Curious Dad
Published June 19, 2009 | Welcome to the first of five interviews with fathers from around the blogosphere! Although this was supposed to be a feature leading up to Father’s Day, I’m scheduling it AROUND that day instead. I wish I had some cool reason for the change, but I don’t, other than that I have a baby and Twitter and they’re both equally distracting.
Chad Skelton, also known as @vancouverdad on Twitter, is a dad who blogs/reports for the Vancouver Sun’s online edition. He has a wife and a son, and is currently on paid leave to be a stay-at-home dad.
I was first introduced to him via Twitter, most likely through Follow Friday. His columns are insightful, intelligent, well-researched — and he often answers questions in them that I didn’t even know I had.
I hope you enjoy this interview with him and go say hi!
1. You recently changed your blog’s name from “Parenting in Vancouver” to “Curious Dad”. Have you noticed an increase in traffic or participation via comments or Twitter due to this change thus far?
Not yet — but the name change is still pretty new. I’m hoping over time that the new name will encourage people who may not live in Vancouver to check out the blog, since most of what I write about is not Vancouver-specific.
I also think the new blog name is a better reflection of what the blog’s really about — which is someone trying to find answers to parenting questions he’s curious about.
2. You write some really insightful and informative posts. Where do you find your sources and inspiration?
First, thanks for the compliment.
I’ve been a newspaper reporter for a little over a decade now, mainly doing investigative work, so all day I’m trying to come up with story ideas and figuring out how to answer tough questions. And I’ve always found that it’s hard to turn that part of my brain off when I’m not at work. So in the day-to-day act of parenting, a lot of questions — like why babies look more like their dad than their mom or whether store-brand formula is as good as the name-brand stuff — just occur to me. And the blog is a good venue to share what I’ve found out with others.
I also think approaching parenting blogger as a reporter helps add a useful voice to the parenting blogosphere. I read a lot of parenting blogs and there are some great, funny first-person blogs out there and some wonderful blogs on particular aspects or styles of parenting. But I think it’s useful to have someone with a reporter’s research skills really digging into some of the questions moms and dads have.
3. You have one child, and what a lot of parents would consider to be a dream job: you get to stay at home with him, while being paid to write articles about parenting. How did you land such a great gig?
I should say that while I’m extremely lucky to be able to have this time home with my child, my gig isn’t quite as cushy as it may first appear. Many years ago, when my wife and I first starting talking about having children, we decided that ideally she’d want to stay home the first year and I’d want to stay home for the second year. Knowing doing that would cost a lot of money, we immediately started putting some cash aside.
Luckily, The Vancouver Sun has a great unpaid leave program — so I can take up to a year off work (without pay) and my job is waiting for me when I get back. So that’s what I’m on now: a one-year unpaid leave.
A few months before my leave began, I decided that I wanted to write a blog during my year off to keep my writing and research skills honed during my time away from work.
When I told The Sun about my plans, we came to an agreement for me to write the blog for vancouversun.com, in exchange for a very small amount of money. I’m hoping, if the blog is successful, it may become part of my day-to-day
job when I return. But at the moment, it’s really more of a hobby than a job — indeed I’m essentially only “paid” a few hours a week to do it. To be frank, I suspect some of the more successful bloggers I read make quite a
bit more than I do from the ads on their site.
4. Has being in the public eye had an impact on your family life yet? Have you been recognized as the Vancouver Sun’s parenting columnist while out with your family?
So far, no. Which is good. I think it could make things a bit awkward if people at the playground or library storytime knew who I was.
5. Can you tell us a bit about how you balance working at home with raising your son and maintaining your marriage?
As I say, the blog is really more of a hobby for now — an hour here and an hour there while the boy is napping. My full-time job at the moment, like so many other moms and dads, is taking care of the kid.
6. “Daddy bloggers” are a rare breed in comparison to mommy bloggers (although you wrote a recent article about dad blogs being “the hot new thing”). What do you feel fathers offer that is different from a mother, blogging-wise? Do you feel outnumbered, or unique?
There’s no doubt that being a dad — both as a blogger and a stay-at-home parent — puts me in the minority. But I feel that more when I’m at the playground, and I’m the only guy there, then when I’m blogging.
I read a fair number of both dad and mom bloggers and, on the face of it, I can’t think of anything that clearly separates them. Some blogs are more personal, others are more opinion. Others, like mine, are more research-heavy.
The one thing I’d say is that there seems to be a particular subtype of dad bloggers that are often railing about how they don’t get enough respect and how marketers always use the term “Mom” instead of “parent”. I can sympathize with dads who feel they aren’t appreciated. But I find reading such blogs kind of tiresome.
While my blog is called “Curious Dad”, I’ve always tried to gear it to both moms and dads. I only occasionally write about topics that are solely of interest to fathers. And, if anything, I’m sometimes accused of being a “gender traitor” by other fathers for arguing dads are held to a lower standard than moms or wondering why some dads don’t do diapers.
I hope I’ve been successful in making my blog appealing to both moms and dads. If the comments on my site are any guide, both genders are reading it — which makes me happy.
7. Finally, describe your ideal Father’s Day to us.
A nice brunch at home with my wife and The Boy.
—
Don’t forget about my Babies of 2009 Carnival coming up on July 1st! Help me spread the word.