There’s something weird going on with our downstairs neighbours.   By “weird”, I mean that there’s a woman who is always drunk, a man who is loud and cranky and hates when Maia or the little girl next door play on the balconies, and frequent police visits.   Living in an apartment building is full of such joys.

Chris and Maia are bffs.  Once he gets home, she latches onto him and wants nothing to do with me.  So the other night, they’re out on the balcony together barbequeing and chatting with each other, and every time I try to come out she looks at me, holds her hand up, palm out, and demands, “Shoo, Mama!  Shoo!”  Of course, this results in me coming out just to make her tell me to shoo, because it’s hilarious.

Then the police pull up because there’s another call about the dumbs downstairs.  Chris comes into the house and tells me, “There’s a kinda hot policeman out there, you might want to take a look.”  I love my husband.  I also love eye candy.  So I go out there to look.

Miss Maia walks over to me, grabs my ass, and starts shouting, “BOOTY!  BOOTY!  BOOTY MAMA!”  The somewhat hot policeman looks up at me.  I look down at him.  I’m ten thousand shades of red, have no makeup on, no bra, mom hair, and a toddler hanging off my ass informing the entire world that I do, indeed, have a BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY in between giggles that resulted from her father’s boisterous laughter.  I fled back into the house so quickly.

These are the joys of parenting that no one ever tells you about.