I know I’ve been quiet lately, both here and on Twitter.
It’s because, for some reason, I FEEL quiet. I feel like I have nothing important to say. It’s either all been said, or it’s not important. I feel lost in a sea of my peers, and I feel like they’re all better than I. Better mothers. Better writers. Stronger women with stronger opinions and better support for them.
Maybe it’s the “feminists” I’ve begun to follow. I read their tweets and their blogs, and how utterly SUPERWOMAN they are intimidates me. They make me feel less intelligent. Less passionate. Less educated.
Maybe it’s the “a-list” bloggers I follow. I see their names all over PR releases, CNN news stories, and any story that ever covers the mommy blogger world.
Maybe it’s websites with groups of writers. I feel like they’re little exclusive clubs that I’m not invited to, full of in-jokes I either don’t understand or don’t appreciate.
Maybe it’s that I want to write and to create — characters, with a story that pulls people into their lives, a world of fantasy and romance and whimsy, but somehow my creativity is dulled.
I don’t know.
I know I feel muted.
I don’t like it.
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
Well, join the crowd. I feel muted too, but we aren’t muted just because we aren’t on the “a-list” Those “a-listers” are like us some days. They have children who won’t listen or who won’t go to the potty when they should. The only difference is that they have a larger following to read their mistakes and their triumphs. We’re out here in mommy blog land for each other and the other thing is…I can’t relate to some of those “a-listers” I can relate to real moms. Some of those moms….they just don’t seem “real” to me. Some do, but some. . . um . . the “big one” included, don’t feel real to me.
Keep it real because from the couple posts I have read of yours that’s what you are.
I know EXACTLY how you feel.
Add in the fact that several of those “a-listers” (or “b-listers” for that matter) that I follow on Twitter refuse to ever acknowledge my responses to their tweets, much less follow me back. I don’t really expect people who have 10,000+ followers to return the favor, but repeatedly reaching out and being ignored takes a toll.
I’ve felt quite invisible lately, which I suppose is quite similar to muted.
I’m not a fellow blogger, but I can relate. Just reading your blog makes me feel “muted”. I’m impressed with how you handle raising Maia and keeping up 2 websites as well as posting on other sites and whatever else you have going on the side. You’re doing a great job, don’t be intimidated. I’m going through a bit of a down spell myself, I just don’t seem to be good enough in anything I do. Must have something to do with motherhood, we’re all supposed to be “super-moms”. Anyway, I digress. Your creativity will come back. And when it does there are a lot of people who will be interested in reading it, whatever it is.
As an unmarried graduate student, it’s extremely unlikely that I’ll get to experience life as a 20-something mom, though it’s something that I do dream about. That’s one of the reasons that I read your blog. To get a glimpse of what it might be like. I also read your blog because you’re a good writer, you’re funny, and you have interesting things to say. Also, because I want to know what Maia’s latest hijinks are, how Chris is doing, whether your dog’s digestive issues have resolved, and whether you’ve chosen a new hair-do.Screw the “a-listers”. Write for yourself, for Maia, heck, write for me if you want to.
Totally hear you
Creativity is cyclical. Everyone has high and low periods, nothing to be worried about. I’ve been feeling a little low on the creativity lately myself. It’ll pass, though.
I am so not an intellectual. I respect those who are, and enjoy what they have to say, but I often feel intimidated by them. I am not less educated, but as an engineer my education was different and I definitely lack their critical writing skills.
What I’ve finally decided is that I can only be myself. Trying to be someone else isn’t going to work. And I am at least as good as anyone else, at least as worthy and important. So I keep talking, whether anyone listens or not. Though I secretly hope lots of people are listening, I’ve re-discovered my voice because I write for myself first.
I hope you re-discover your voice, too.
You are fantastic, Tatiana. Truly. I hope you don’t let what others are doing discourage you. But even saying that, I have to admit that over the past year and a half I have very often felt the same way. It’s only been recently that I’ve really been able to understand how much more important friendships are than accolades (that are so fleeting).
I adore your blog, and your daughter, and your tweet, and I know when you’re ready to share it that I will absolutely adore your fiction.