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Girl Talk Thursday 12
Published June 11, 2009 | 
Girl Talk Thursday is Mommy Melee‘s weekly event, and I really love participating, so here it comes: my thoughts on the topic of “Self-Esteem and Your Sexuality.”
Self esteem = feeling sexy. I never felt sexy as a teenager because I was the dreaded size 13 girl…with size 9 (now 10) feet. Holy crap. Now—I WISH I was the dreaded size 13, and frankly after working at a store that sold shoes, I realized how many women had big feet, and no longer am embarressed about that fact. Anyway, I have had terrible lows and great highs w/body image, which equaled self esteem to me. I felt my sexiest in my early 30′s, baby belly-stretch marks and all, simple because I felt good about myself. I projected such a positive attitude, that it made me sexy. An old beau told me he loved that fact that I was a size 16, but projected such a love of life/myself, that it really made me very sexually attractive. I tried to make my daughters feel good about themselves, but I am sure my crappy body image came across. But, lets not forget one important figure in all of this–daddy. He needs to pay attention to mommy, show her he finds her sexy, interesting, etc. Not hesitate to show affection in front of the kids, that is so very important. Ahhh…I could go on forever about this issue.
Your voice is 100% more girlie than I expected. SO CUTE.
I love how you said “sex toys.”
This was a really moving post. Thank you SO much for participating.
haha, you both are too cute.
good points!
i liked this :]
liked gala’s comment too :]
Try not to freak about the boob stretch marks. I got those at the lovely age of 13 when my boobs appeared overnight. (Uh, I was horrified. Because the boobs you see in movies? Don’t have these weird lines all over them! Totally thought there was something wrong with me.) They mostly fade away to match your skin and aren’t at all noticeable, I promise promise.
I know that probably doesn’t help, because they still look different and you just want them back how they were, but hopefully it’s a small comfort?
I have 2 daughters, and I’m just terrified for what the next 18 years has in store for me (and them.) I grew up watching my mom look at herself in the mirror and put herself down. Talking about being too fat, having bad skin, hating her hair. So of course I think all those same things. I remember doing it as a little girl, because that’s just what you do when you look in the mirror, right? I’m trying so hard not to let my daughters see that in me. I’m trying to be proud of my body and its imperfections for them. I know I can’t protect them from all the insecurities women are saddled with, but hopefully I can protect them from MINE.
Love this, and Maia is ADORABLE.
I am fat. There is no denying that, but I somehow manage to have good enough self esteem to feel sexy. I have been married 10 years and have a pretty rocking sex life. When the kiddos were smaller, it was pretty flat tho. Give your self time. Maia (who is too cute for words) is still sooo young. Your body is still out of sorts from the whole baby making thing.
Btw, my dh is legally blind without his contacts in, makes it really easy not to be self conscious.
This was a hard topic for me because it strikes a yucky, buried cord.
I’ll have to watch/listen later when I’m home and not at work.
Thanks for sharing.
Excellent!! And Maia is the perfect co-host.
I LOVED seeing you in video. You are a great vlogger – way to go!
Great post. And you are very brave for sharing.
Much braver than I am. 
You go, girl.
It’s so hard to feel sexy at this day in age, with all that we are thrown at us as far as ideal go.. it’s darn near impossible!
Keep working at it, and it will come.. Your baby is so little, and breastfeeding really does a job on the libido and ‘feeling sexy’ thing.. It gets better, I promise.
I loved seeing you and hearing you. I’m not brave enough to do a video post so wow, that was awesome of you!!!
I’m with you on the boob stretch marks, plus I’ve got them all over my thighs. Not my stomach, just the thighs and boobs, go figure.
I love that you are conscious of how your perceptions and self-esteem will influence Maia. Sometimes I look at other parents and am like “Why the fuck are you doing or saying that in front of your kids? You’re shaping them to have the same issues you do!” Ugh.
Anyways – loved it!
Wow! I am so flattered by all the positive responses. I have to admit that when I posted this video, I was very anxious about it.
@Gala: It’s funny that you mention the feet thing, because you know how I feel about the size of my feet too. They’re gargantuan (thanks for passing them down!
) I GENERALLY feel good about myself, but I could definitely feel better. I don’t remember that you ever made me feel bad about myself (I’m sure that as an over-sensitive teenager I had moments where I thought you did). Daddy does need to help me out with feelin confident, but I think he does a pretty great job at it right now. It’s tough, for both of us, to try to look at one another as spouses and not parents.
@Maria: Thank you for running GTT! I look forward to it every week, even when it’s 10pm Wednesday night and I realize I don’t know what I’m going to post yet
I get a lot of phone calls where people ask “Is your father or mother home?” Um, I AM the Mother!
@staciesmadness: Hehehe, thanks!
@klingensquiggle: Glad that you enjoyed it
@Diane: I do have some faded stretch marks on my thighs, because THEY appeared overnight when I was a teenager. Would’ve rather gotten the boobs, but alas… It is a small comfort, though. I just hate seeing these purpley-red lines radiating out from my nipple. Like WTF?
I definitely agree with you about trying to be proud of our bodies to protect our daughters, obviously. I just hope that with enough repetition, we actually start to wear our flaws with pride
@Jenni: Awesome! I love that after 10 years, you and hubs still get your freak on regularly. You have this great sense of self-confidence and happiness that comes through in your blog posts and tweets. Thank you for commenting!
@Kekibird: Your post on the same topic was really great. This GTT meme is my fav!
@Jinxy: Thanks! She is my inspiration, so having her with me felt right.
@Michelle: Thank you for the encouragement, and for dropping by! I’m flattered
@ChurchPunkMom: I like to tell myself that I “don’t care” about the women I see on TV and on magazines, but then… every time a Dove commercial (with their “real beauty” campaign comes on, I smile. Despite the fact that those women have flawless looking skin and hair, I love that they portray different body shapes and ages and say YOU ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL.
@Colleen: I have been debating a video post for awhile now. This GTT topic just got me so worked up, I started scribbling notes as to what I wanted to say, and finally I was like “screw it, I’m gonna just make THIS my first video post!” I hope that, as Maia grows, I can continue to stay aware of how I regard myself or other women and how it impacts her perception of them.
girl crush right back atchya. you’re adorable. and that baby….oh…scrumptious.
I thought you said a lot of really valuable stuff here, and I can imagine you and Maia watching this together (when she is much, much older!). Being able to think logically and emotionally about these issues is the first step in being able to recognise what is going on for ourselves, what influences us, and perhaps what changes we can make in our attitudes. So thanks for a great post.
Also, it’s always great to see Maia in her real, moving body!! I want to squeeeeeeeeze her.
Sorry, It took me a little while to get around to watching this. You look great! I love hearing my blog friends’ voices when I’ve been reading and imagining for so long. It took me months and months before I felt sexy again after Sophie was born. It’s so hard to be THE MOMMY with all that entails physically and emotionally and then be THE WIFE and SUPERLOVER. It’s a balance women have been struggling with since the beginning of time. And then add in all of the cultural pressure to be *perfect* and you’ve got the makings for some serious confidence issues.
@Melissa: Thank you, I think she’s quite scrumptious too!
@existere: In my notes for this, I wrote something I didn’t even touch on, but you did: participating in talks like this and encouraging “real” sexuality, not the overt, plasticized, made-for-the-movies version, helps.
@Cara: Thank you for taking the time to watch. I was hesitant about the length of this video, particularly since I know how precious 6 long minutes can feel to a frazzled mom, so I appreciate that you remembered it and came back to hear what I had to say :] Tonight I tried to feel sexy. Put on cute, clean undies and one of my husband’s t-shirts. Then Maia woke up so I tried to soothe her back to sleep, then husband finally looked at me and said, “Is that puke or drool on your shoulder?” ……. I gave up on trying to feel sexy for the night. Ha ha.
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