During my pregnancy, I have put on approximately 40 pounds.  This is about 10-15 lbs more than I hoped, although I’m not terribly concerned; I figure if I’d kept up the gym routine rather than dropping it sometime around November (whoops!) I’d be closer to my ‘ideal’ number.  Again, honestly, I don’t really care about the weight I put on so long as my baby comes out healthy and at a normal size, but it’s obviously on my mind nonetheless.

I had a midwife appointment yesterday, and when I weighed myself I showed as 6 lbs heavier than two weeks ago.  Thinking this had to be a mistake, I went and peed (trace protein in my urine, which has happened at about 75% of my appointments but isn’t a cause for concern unless accompanied by some other symptoms) — as if peeing is going to make me shed a few pounds?  Weighed myself after — still 6 extra lbs.  I know Maia didn’t grow that damned much, so I’m going to blame the fact that I’ve been eating Gardetto’s like they’re going out of style.  My mom sent me a case of twelve bags for my birthday, which is one of the best birthday presents ever, but I’m not doing very good at portioning them.

Anyhow, we met with Sarah today.  She always says I have a “neat” bump, which makes me smile.  When she was checking Maia’s position, though, she slid her hands around and said, “I think she’s kinda curled around with her back close to yours” — then somehow STUCK HER HANDS INTO MY STOMACH AND TOUCHED MY SPINE.  I mean, I didn’t see how she did it, but since it felt like that’s what she did, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.  Then Maia flopped around as if just as disturbed as her mother, and continued flopping as Sarah tried to take her heartbeat.  I’m pretty sure this little girl has more attitude than her mommy and daddy combined already…

Then we learned about all the fun gynecological exams I’ve got coming up.  No, really.  Within my next appointment or two, I get to do vaginal and anal swabs of myself to see if I’m a carrier of some sort of bowel bacteria that is entirely harmless to adults (40% of women carry it, and the bacteria comes and goes so that’s why they check at the end of pregnancy rather than earlier) but can, if spread to the baby during the birth process, cause her to get sick.  Inconvenient type sick, not deadly type sick.  If I do carry it, I’ll be prescribed some anti-biotics to prevent that from happening.  But seriously, I get to swab my own butt.  That’s pretty special, and by “special” I mean “I deserve some hot chocolate afterwards”.

There’s also something they call a  “stretch and sweep” (aka a membrane sweep), which they routinely perform from 38 weeks onwards.  Sarah says it is not effective at inducing labour in and of itself unless your body is READY to give birth.  I feel like I need to ask more questions because I can’t remember why she said they do it, I just accepted it as part of their normal routine.  Also, I mean, it’s kinda cringe-worthy to think about how much a pap smear pisses me off and makes me uncomfortable for days, and I’m going to be welcoming someone’s goddamned FINGER caressing my cervix?  Sarah was giggling about how sometimes the cervix can be hard to find before the woman enters labour, because of how it is shaped and the position of the baby’s head, and I have to admit that the thought of lying there spread-eagled with a midwife’s fingers in my coochie trying to squiggle around the back of my baby’s head just to poke my cervix actually made me laugh.  I swear there’s something wrong with me.  Maybe it was the look on Chris’ face that was so hilarious.

After this appointment, we headed over to the hospital to register in their maternity ward.  We did let them know we’re planning a homebirth and that my OHIP doesn’t kick in until March 16th, but just in case we have to head to that hospital they’ve got all my relevant information about allergies / preferences / medical history and whatnot.  Something I found interesting is that for a “visitor” to the country, a hospital stay — not including any doctor’s fees, and who knew that a doctor charges separately from the hospital charge? — is $2500 a day.  For an “uninsured resident” (me), it’s $900 a day.  I just thought that it was really interesting (and cool) that, even though there’s only a 90 day window in which a resident is uninsured, there’s a special billing classification for us.

In other, semi-related news, I slept on the couch last night and slept through the entire night.  This is as opposed to sleeping in bed, where I wake up at least three times (and pee).  I really hate not sleeping next to my husband, but if crashing on the couch where my back is better supported (and I get lots of puppy love!) ends up helping me sleep through the night, I’m not going to argue with it.

My father-in-law is visiting today.  I don’t know what time and I don’t know if I’m cooking for us or if we’ll be going out to eat or what.  He is so much like Chris though — they’re both so laid-back about making plans, late anywhere they go, and not very organized at home — that I’m not terribly worried about either impressing or disappointing him.  Our apartment isn’t spotless?  Big deal, neither is his.

Chris mentioned today that he feels weird about being the only man at the birth (two midwives, my mom, his mom should all be there with us) and was like “I should invite my dad or brother to come.”  I’m pretty sure he was joking, but just to be sure, I let him know in no uncertain terms that such a thing is not happening. I love his dad and brother, but seriously, I don’t think that welcoming them into my labour and delivery is a step in our relationship that needs to be taken.  He was smirking the whole time though, so I’m pretty sure he’s aware of that.

Today is one month til my due date!  It’s crazy how the time has flown by.