I don’t regret our baby. I’ve been replaying those words in my head all day, getting teary-eyed.  The downturn in the economy has finally had an actual, concrete financial impact on our household and I’m having a hard time remaining calm about it.  Chris still has his job, which is a positive thing that I am grateful for, just so no one thinks that’s the issue that’s arisen.

Chris rubs my belly and talks to Maia every day; sometimes when he gets home from work he’ll give her a kiss before he kisses me, and it just melts my heart.  I want to feel more positive.  I still smile everytime she moves; I walk into her room to soothe my nerves, look down into her crib and imagine how small she’ll look lying there, and feel a certainty that now is the right time in our lives to be doing this.  I just feel like vomiting any time that I question whether now is the right time in the world for this life to come into it.

In two months, every cloudy day — literal and figurative — will hold sunshine for us.