8 Effective Tips for Positive Parenting
Debbie Godfrey, an expert in childrearing, says that positive parenting is “for parents who are eager to teach their children discipline without breaking their spirits.” Undoubtedly, the wording is beautiful, but what exactly lies behind it? Let’s take a closer look at the basics of positive parenting and consider why it is needed.
What is positive parenting?
First of all, positive parenting is based on mutual respect, which many parents do not to take into account. Surely, each of you has witnessed situations of disrespectful communication between a parent and a child at least once in a lifetime. Some mothers and fathers demand respect from children, while they themselves do not want to show it. But we all know the popular wisdom, which says: “do as you would be done by.” If children see the disregard for themselves, their aspirations, and opinion from an early age, then over the years, they may begin to treat their parents with contempt. At a young age (due to dependence on parents), children can hide their contempt behind a mask of humility. But as soon as they get older, a parent can say goodbye to good fellowship with a child – and it is only the parent who will be to blame for this. In order not to determine the meaning of the described method of childrearing better, let’s consider some effective tips on positive parenting.
1. The right to feelings and expression of emotions
You need to teach a child to control emotions and avoid their excessive expression in public. At the same time, you should explain to your child why one cannot yell or scream in the queue, cry loudly, and so on. Of course, in no case try to shut up a child’s mouth every other minute, forbidding demonstrating the emotions in general. Mothers and fathers, who kick the already upset kids just because they stumbled and hit the ground, look like real monsters. Their children are in pain and they have the right to cry out this pain. And such woeful parents only multiply their suffering, forcing the children to hide their true feelings in future life. Teach your child to show emotions adequately, and also, learn ways to calm the child.
2. Nonsubstantial recognition
Of course, it is important to encourage children. However, encouragement can be wrong. For example, if kids study well, it is not necessary to buy them expensive toys for every good mark. Otherwise, a kid will cease to be a goody-goody if, for whatever reason, the parents stop giving gifts. Encouragement can be expressed in verbal praise, smile, and hugs. This is one of the best relationship tips at all.
3. Sense of humor
It is not necessary to constantly put on a solemn face when you communicate with a child. For children, it is easier to remember life lessons in a positive way when they are accompanied by jokes. A smile is one of the most effective tools for raising children.
4. Dialogue instead of a monologue
Try to avoid the pompous preachifying when discussing problems with your kid – for children, it is like water off a duck’s back. Instead of a monologue, it is better to focus on the dialogue, inviting the child in the conversation. Ask your kid some important questions to get a response.
5. Say no to beatings
As has been already mentioned above, it is not allowed to beat children. Just think about it: a parent is the closest person for a child in the whole world. The parent is a protector and an example for imitation. What happens in children’s souls when such a “protector and role model” raises a hand against them? Physical pain turns into mental: resentment and anger accumulate, there are disdain and a feeling of being abandoned. Later, already adult children can begin to lay hands on their own kids. So, say no to bodily harm!
6. Keeping promises
You should not deceive a child, giving your beloved false hopes. For example, some parents promise to buy a dog or a bicycle if their child finishes a school year with flying colors, but in fact, they are not even going to keep their promises. You are waiting for your child to have respect for promises, aren’t you? Then set your baby a good example! If you cannot do something, you should not promise it. It is important for a child to know that the parental word can be trusted 100%. If false promises are par for the course, then children themselves learn to deceive others, including their parents.
7. Forget toxic phrases
Almost every parent makes mistakes using poisonous phrases that poison a child’s life. These include comparisons, blackmail, and insults. Let’s look at some examples.
Phrases with comparisons: “But the children of other parents don’t behave like that”, “I already knew how to do this when I was at your age!” etc. Designed to motivate a child to act, such formulations make the kid feel inferior in comparison to others.
Phrases with blackmail: “No TV until you do your homework!”, “I carried pregnancy, gave you birth, stayed up nights, but you don’t appreciate it!” etc. In the first case, a parent refuses to accept the obvious fact: a child may not be good at studying certain subjects, so such blackmail is comparable to begging for the moon. In the second case, a parent makes children responsible for the decision made not by them. After all, the child did not ask you to do it all.
Phrases with insults: “Nobody gave you the floor!” “As long as you live under the same roof with me and eat at my expense, do as you are bidden.” The intent is clear. And this is not to mention phrases with the use of obscene words that cut a child deeper than a knife.
8. Abstraction from own problems
It is dangerous to raise a child in minutes when you are overwhelmed with rueful feelings. If you have quarreled with a spouse or experienced some problems at work, do not displace your anger onto the child. After all, children are no ways to blame. Learn how to let off steam with no further consequences – go in for mediation, listen to relaxing music, etc. Choose those relaxation methods that work well for you and return to childrearing as soon as you control your emotions.
As you know, children learn from their parents. There are occasions where a grown-up child draws the right conclusions and does not repeat the mistakes of the parents, but it usually happens that children copy the behavior of their parents completely, manifesting it in communication with other people, their life partners, and own children who, in turn, learn from their parents. And thus, a vicious circle arises: more and more generations of parents and children step on the same rake in matters of relationships. Therefore, perform the parental duty wisely, learning to put yourself in the place of a child. Only then you will reach harmony in the relationship with your child and hear a much-coveted phrase: “Mom and Dad, you are the best in the world!” We wish love and happiness to your families!